Friday, February 11, 2011
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Good Manners
Teaching good manners is an important part of raising well behaved children. Children feel more confident when they know what kind of actions are appropriate in different social settings. When I see cranky or whiney children in public at restaurants, stores or even when visiting family in their home, I realize that these children cannot figure out how they are to behave, what is acceptable, what is not, therefore they are terribly unhappy. If ultimately, it is our goal to have secure happy children, then it is vital that children be taught how to act in public.
Its not enough that children simply be taken into the public and into social situations, it is more important that the training of how to behave and what is expected to be actively taught at every opportunity and corrections be made immediately upon misbehavior. When children begin to act up, make demands, and begin incessant whining, this is the time to teach the child and verbally show them what is the correct way.
There seems to be one school of thought about children, that being, that kids will be kids. Of course children will act immaturely, because they in fact, are children. But too many parents are allowing behavior that is so undisciplined that it becomes a way of life and the same child is not taught self control at other times, therefore the same actions spill over into their play time with friends or family, visits in the home of others and most importantly, school.
So what kind of manners should children be taught? First, it is important to note that what parents allow in their own home, such as jumping on furniture, demanding food at the table that isn't offered, whining, running around the dinner table, pouting, etc. the same is displayed when they are away from home. Often, parents that are of the mind of extreme relaxed parenting styles simply smile and Johnny and Janie while they stomp across the couch of grandma and say gently "You guys know that Grandma doesn't like it when you do that.", thus making the grandparents the bad guys, versus teaching that showing a lack of respect for other peoples furniture is wrong. Many believe that teaching children to use self control would be inhibiting a child when in fact it is allowing children to feel insecure.
If truth be known, parents could ask children about behaviors that exhibit a lack of self control, if they think that a particular action is wrong, and the conscience of a child would answer yes. So when parents who should lead and build boundaries to make children feel safe, fail to to create those lines, then the young of the human actually feel unstable and insecure, leaving children to be unhappy. Children want and need for parents to be leaders and to teach them how to bahave so that they are able to fit well into societies and can move about within groups feeling confident.
Case in point: As I was talking to a young man about why he never went to a nice restaurant his answer was that his mother never took the time to teach him how to sit nicely at public table, to order with confidence nor how to simply use his napkin and tableware. This caused a lack of confidence so that this person felt like they would not be comfortable in a public setting eating a nice meal so instead it was easier to eat at fast food places.
We do our children such an inservice when we do not make the effort, take the time and use our wisdom to train children to be nice, to speak to adults with respect, to walk thru public places without touching, to be able to sit at the dinner table with manners and also respect for the one who created a fine meal, or to not beg, whine or pitch fits but rather learn to make their requests using pleasant and respectful tones. How can other people love our children if we do not show love enough to train them well?
As a substitute teacher I observe children who are able to walk into their classroom, speak kindly to their friends, respond respectfully to the teacher and I know that these children are loved. I enjoy these children so much and often give them special priviledges to help in the classroom because they show signs of self discipline and can be relied upon to do a task nicely. At the same time, I also observe children that appear to be left to themselves. They are demanding, speak harshly to friends and teachers, and who show little or no repect when spoken to. These are not happy children in the least sense of the word. They feel insecure and are unbalanced. Their emotions are negative. Do not believe that all of these children come from poor homes. This kind of behavior has nothing to do with a family's income, rather a lack of time devoted to training and teaching children with thoughtfulness and love.
Make time everyday to take advantage of trainable times. Teach your child to be kind, to use respectful tones at all times, to make requests once with a proper voice, to show self control and to be respectful of other peoples belongings. Build them to become wonderful people so that others will love them as much as you do. :)
Its not enough that children simply be taken into the public and into social situations, it is more important that the training of how to behave and what is expected to be actively taught at every opportunity and corrections be made immediately upon misbehavior. When children begin to act up, make demands, and begin incessant whining, this is the time to teach the child and verbally show them what is the correct way.
There seems to be one school of thought about children, that being, that kids will be kids. Of course children will act immaturely, because they in fact, are children. But too many parents are allowing behavior that is so undisciplined that it becomes a way of life and the same child is not taught self control at other times, therefore the same actions spill over into their play time with friends or family, visits in the home of others and most importantly, school.
So what kind of manners should children be taught? First, it is important to note that what parents allow in their own home, such as jumping on furniture, demanding food at the table that isn't offered, whining, running around the dinner table, pouting, etc. the same is displayed when they are away from home. Often, parents that are of the mind of extreme relaxed parenting styles simply smile and Johnny and Janie while they stomp across the couch of grandma and say gently "You guys know that Grandma doesn't like it when you do that.", thus making the grandparents the bad guys, versus teaching that showing a lack of respect for other peoples furniture is wrong. Many believe that teaching children to use self control would be inhibiting a child when in fact it is allowing children to feel insecure.
If truth be known, parents could ask children about behaviors that exhibit a lack of self control, if they think that a particular action is wrong, and the conscience of a child would answer yes. So when parents who should lead and build boundaries to make children feel safe, fail to to create those lines, then the young of the human actually feel unstable and insecure, leaving children to be unhappy. Children want and need for parents to be leaders and to teach them how to bahave so that they are able to fit well into societies and can move about within groups feeling confident.
Case in point: As I was talking to a young man about why he never went to a nice restaurant his answer was that his mother never took the time to teach him how to sit nicely at public table, to order with confidence nor how to simply use his napkin and tableware. This caused a lack of confidence so that this person felt like they would not be comfortable in a public setting eating a nice meal so instead it was easier to eat at fast food places.
We do our children such an inservice when we do not make the effort, take the time and use our wisdom to train children to be nice, to speak to adults with respect, to walk thru public places without touching, to be able to sit at the dinner table with manners and also respect for the one who created a fine meal, or to not beg, whine or pitch fits but rather learn to make their requests using pleasant and respectful tones. How can other people love our children if we do not show love enough to train them well?
As a substitute teacher I observe children who are able to walk into their classroom, speak kindly to their friends, respond respectfully to the teacher and I know that these children are loved. I enjoy these children so much and often give them special priviledges to help in the classroom because they show signs of self discipline and can be relied upon to do a task nicely. At the same time, I also observe children that appear to be left to themselves. They are demanding, speak harshly to friends and teachers, and who show little or no repect when spoken to. These are not happy children in the least sense of the word. They feel insecure and are unbalanced. Their emotions are negative. Do not believe that all of these children come from poor homes. This kind of behavior has nothing to do with a family's income, rather a lack of time devoted to training and teaching children with thoughtfulness and love.
Make time everyday to take advantage of trainable times. Teach your child to be kind, to use respectful tones at all times, to make requests once with a proper voice, to show self control and to be respectful of other peoples belongings. Build them to become wonderful people so that others will love them as much as you do. :)
Friday, October 26, 2007
Introduction
It was years ago, 1986 to be exact, when a dear friend took me and my third baby, Brian to see the oldest living practicing pediatrician in the world, Dr. Leila Daughtry-Denmark. Having a new baby and all that it entails along with a 4 and 6 year old was beginning to take its toll. Having the common complaints that most new parents have namely, sleep deprivation motivated my friend to show me that life could be better.
As we drove 1 1/2 hours to the northside of Atlanta, I was ready to accept any advise that would help me get more sleep, resolve colic and basically help me get back on track caring for the rest of my family.
I arrived to find a lovely 100 year old farmhouse housing the pediatric office, sitting on acreage and next door a beautiful southern mansion, being the home place for Dr. Denmark. Inside we were greeted by a very clean room consisting of practical seating and plenty of room for little ones to play on the floor. Sitting in the room were nursing mothers, holding small children, and watching over well behaved little ones. A small table with an old quaint lamp that was lite held the sign in sheet. A small woman in her 80's, very alert, eager to see the next child, speaking with a low but firm voice opened the door saying "Who's the next angel?"
When it was my turn to go in, as we had waited till the other families who had signed in before, we entered into a small white washed clean room with a desk and examining table along with antique doctors tools used to check temperatures, scales to weigh and clear jars full of cotton and swabs. Dr. Denmark asked "What is your complaint today about this little One?" I suddenly felt so at ease watching this older very wise woman gently scan my child's head, neck, then abdomen, checking for any inconsistencies. As she felt for abnormalities she began to tell me ways to help my baby be the best he could be, giving me advise that mothers hope for but never receiving answers to common parenting issues.
Her charge for the visit that day was $6. As we continued our regular happily anticipated visits to see the dear Dr. Denmark she eventually increased her charge to $8, making sure that every parent had affordable medical care. Interestingly enough, each time we drove into the oak tree covered gravel drive, there would be the signs of families that were middle and esp. upper income. Fathers in suits would be sitting with their child, mothers driving new Volvo's and children dressed well. This was a place that well educated parents felt like they were getting the best care on earth for their children.
As we drove 1 1/2 hours to the northside of Atlanta, I was ready to accept any advise that would help me get more sleep, resolve colic and basically help me get back on track caring for the rest of my family.
I arrived to find a lovely 100 year old farmhouse housing the pediatric office, sitting on acreage and next door a beautiful southern mansion, being the home place for Dr. Denmark. Inside we were greeted by a very clean room consisting of practical seating and plenty of room for little ones to play on the floor. Sitting in the room were nursing mothers, holding small children, and watching over well behaved little ones. A small table with an old quaint lamp that was lite held the sign in sheet. A small woman in her 80's, very alert, eager to see the next child, speaking with a low but firm voice opened the door saying "Who's the next angel?"
When it was my turn to go in, as we had waited till the other families who had signed in before, we entered into a small white washed clean room with a desk and examining table along with antique doctors tools used to check temperatures, scales to weigh and clear jars full of cotton and swabs. Dr. Denmark asked "What is your complaint today about this little One?" I suddenly felt so at ease watching this older very wise woman gently scan my child's head, neck, then abdomen, checking for any inconsistencies. As she felt for abnormalities she began to tell me ways to help my baby be the best he could be, giving me advise that mothers hope for but never receiving answers to common parenting issues.
Her charge for the visit that day was $6. As we continued our regular happily anticipated visits to see the dear Dr. Denmark she eventually increased her charge to $8, making sure that every parent had affordable medical care. Interestingly enough, each time we drove into the oak tree covered gravel drive, there would be the signs of families that were middle and esp. upper income. Fathers in suits would be sitting with their child, mothers driving new Volvo's and children dressed well. This was a place that well educated parents felt like they were getting the best care on earth for their children.
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